


The Kidnapping One(But Not Really)

by Silveralm



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Gen, Tony Stark Wears Glasses(for plot reasons)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 09:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12528392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveralm/pseuds/Silveralm
Summary: Tony is alone on his birthday. Wade and Peter think that's not right.





	The Kidnapping One(But Not Really)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PlunnyBreeder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlunnyBreeder/gifts), [Persephoniac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephoniac/gifts).



Through a sleepy daze, Tony heard someone say, ‘ _I’m not going to hit him_.’ He immediately dismissed it, continuing to drift through the calming darkness that his sleeping pills provided. 

And then he thought about it again. It was a bit difficult to think, considering his brain felt the same way Tony felt when he had gone diving that one time - like he was being pressed down on by six feet of water and was sucking in oxygen through a straw. 

F.R.I.D.A.Y. wouldn’t let anyone in his room. Of course she wouldn’t. And if something had gone wrong, she would have told him, wouldn’t she? 

Probably. Unless… Something had gone _seriously_ wrong. Like somehow someone managed to find all ten - _ten_ \- of F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s backups, four of which weren’t recorded _at all_ , and destroy them. Which seemed highly unlikely, because that person would have to destroy them all simultaneously with no warning for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to disappear like that. 

Carefully, Tony forced himself to regain awareness. He was in his bed, at least. Next to his side, he ran his fingers over the slight tear in the sheets the reassured him of this. There was the distant warble of voices, which were unashamedly loud. 

Apparently, his captors didn’t care if they woke him up. Which meant they either had an advantage or _thought_ they had an advantage. Hopefully, it was the latter. 

A blazing white light shone onto his eyelids. Tony squinted on automatic. 

“Hey, I think he’s waking up!” one of his captors said. With… excitement? 

Wait, were they trying to wake him up?

“I think you should hit him,” another said. 

“I already told you, we’re not hitting _Tony Stark_. It’s _Tony Stark_ , why would you want to hurt him?!” the first one said. 

“You don’t want to?” the second one said. 

So there was two of them. At least. Possibly a few very, very quiet ones. 

“Of course not!” the first one exclaimed, sounding offended. “You do?”

“It’s a personal fantasy of mine,” the second one replied dreamily. “Along with a few other things.”

That second part was _definitely_ suggestive. Was Tony being kidnapped by _fans_?! How did they even get into his house?

“Don’t say it. I think my ears might start bleeding if I have to hear about your fantasies again,” the first one commanded.

“Aw, you’re so cute. Also, I’m pretty sure our favourite Iron Boy is awake,” the second one informed. Tony tried his hardest not to react, though internally he was freaking out. 

“Are you sure? His eyes are still closed,” the first one replied uncertainly. 

“Okay… we should test it. Just do _this_ ,” there was a pause. “To him.”

“ _This_?” the first one asked, pausing again. Tony could feel him shift a little. “Where?”

“I don’t know. His stomach?” the second one suggested. 

“I don’t want to hurt him,” the first one said. _What?_

Tony was fighting the urge to just open his eyes and make a dash for the door. What the fuck were they talking about? Something that could _hurt him_?! Weren’t they his fans?!

He tried to remain as sleep-like as possible. Hopefully - _hopefully_ he could convince them that he was, in fact, asleep. If not… he’d just have to rush for the door. Maybe try and get his suit. Yes. He’d do that. It’d be alright. 

“His face, then,” the second one tried. 

“Where on his face?” the first one questioned. 

“Here,” the second one said. He was probably motioning towards something. Tony was beginning to get very annoyed at his eyelids for making him unable to see. 

“Okay,” the first one said. Tony felt them move closer and nearly flinched. He waited tensely, anxiety coiling tighter inside him with each second that ticked by. And then…

A freezing cold finger touched Tony’s cheek. 

Tony’s eyes snapped open to see a blurry figure hovering over him. The room went still. 

“Your finger is fucking _freezing_ ,” Tony growled, glaring at the person. He considered rolling out of the bed, but his captor was way too close for him to be able to escape easily. He’d have to wait.

“Oops,” the person said sheepishly, removing their hand. “Sorry. We, uh, couldn’t wake you up before.”

“What do you want?” Tony demanded, propping himself up on his elbows. “Is it really so _important_ you had to destroy F.R.I.D.A.Y. to get to me?” 

That last part came out as a snarl. 

“... Destroy F.R.I.D.A.Y.? We didn’t - I’m sure we -” the person struggled. 

Tony waited, face still set harshly. 

“We didn’t hurt F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” the person said finally. “We… told her we were breaking in.”

“Yeah,” the other person agreed. “We had to bribe her a little, but it wasn’t too hard.”

“Maybe for _you_ , but I had to give her the robotic arm I’ve been working on _all year_ ,” the first one pointed out. Tony was pretty sure he could see their shoulders droop. 

“What,” Tony stated. 

The two went silent. 

“You… _bribed_ F.R.I.D.A.Y.? I’m… I’m…” Tony struggled. 

“Hey, that robotic arm was pretty cool,” the first one said defensively. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. can’t be bribed with a _robotic arm_ ,” Tony informed. 

“Well, she was. So… you’re wrong?” the first one replied. 

Okay, that did not sound like something a dangerous person would say. So, if Tony was careful, he could probably afford to get his glasses. 

Slowly, but steadily, Tony leaned towards his bedside table and slid open the top drawer. The two captors didn’t protest, so he reached inside and pulled out his glasses case. 

“Are those… glasses?” the one closest to him asked. 

“No,” Tony replied simply. He put on the glasses, blinking quickly as his eyes adjusted. 

“Those are glasses!” the person turned to the other, who Tony could now see was sitting on a seat next to the bed. “ _Tony Stark_ wears glasses!”

“ _Normally_ I wear contacts,” Tony added, trying to ease the person’s clear excitement. He hated wearing glasses, they made him feel like the nerdy guy in high school movies. 

Now he could see better, Tony inspected the two people next to him. He recognised them immediately. 

“Oh my god,” Tony groaned. “You two are the worst.”

“Huh?” Wade Wilson said from where he was lazing in his seat. He was playing with his hoodie strings. 

“I told you guys, no more breaking into my buildings!” Tony told them sternly. 

“But… It’s your birthday!” Peter Parker whined, pouting at Tony. “We brought you presents!”

“And food!” Wade added excitedly. 

The pair grinned at him, like two very happy puppies wanting to spread their high spirits to him too. Tony frowned in the hopes of fighting off their infectious grins. 

“... Fine. You can stay,” Tony conceded. They both started cheering and Tony held his finger up to stop them. “But you have to promise me something.”

“Of course!” they chorused eagerly. 

“No more breaking into my buildings,” Tony told them. 

“Uh..,” Peter replied, excitement waning a little. 

“Um..,” Wade said, looking away. 

Peter and Wade exchanged glances. 

“Cuddle time!” Peter exclaimed, leaping onto Tony. 

“No!” Tony spluttered, trying to push Peter away, but he’d already latched onto Tony’s neck. “You can’t just do this every time!”

“ _Ton-ey_!” Wade sang, bouncing onto the bed. He flopped down on top of Tony, slinging an arm onto Peter’s side.

“Ohmygod,” Tony said, glaring at them. “You guys are the worst.”

Wade snuggled into Tony’s side. “It’s your birthday!”

“Yeah, we’re allowed to be mean to you on your birthday,” Peter agreed. “Only if it’s to be nice to you, of course.”

“That makes no sense,” Tony told him. Peter looked at him with big, puppy eyes. Sighing, Tony reluctantly added, “But… fine.”

Tony patted Wade’s shoulder lightly.

“I was a bit cold anyway.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love these boys. (And I hope you guys liked this fic too). 
> 
> Thank you to [PlunnyBreeder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlunnyBreeder/pseuds/PlunnyBreeder) and [Persephoniac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephoniac/pseuds/Persephoniac) who both leave comments that always make me smile. :D
> 
> <3


End file.
